Farmville is her only friend.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
