I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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