How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
