Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
