So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
