You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I looked at my own cervix.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
