My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
