I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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