I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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