I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
no you cant smoke seaweed
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
