hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
