After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
