The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I need to sanitize my soul.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
