I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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