vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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