return my video game
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
