lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
