dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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