Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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