it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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