that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
