if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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