i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
