Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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