i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Never joke about your clitoris.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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