yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you had me at cake vodka
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
