it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
