Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
