just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
