Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
