my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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