dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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