I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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