Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
