Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
