with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
thus making me awesome and them whores
People in love make me want to vomit
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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