apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
