You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You smell like stripper and shame
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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