Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
