Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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