Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
