No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
