You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
