i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
