38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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