Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
