What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
