I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
