She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
