his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
