oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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