hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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