did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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