You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
